Sunday, December 03, 20062:01 AM
its tiring to wear a mask for people to see.... i know, trust me....the mask i never wore, but now, i cant take it off.... i dunno why.... i seem to haf lost all my feelings... i dont feel happy, nor sad.... i just express it when i know i need to........... but.... its painful.. very painful....
i am starting to feel scared thou... i seem to be cold, heartless....
i have been trying to wear a smile on my face for donkey years.... and it work perfectly well... well, at least no one realise my sadness....
but after wearing it for soo long, 'it' seem to have consume me... juz like the hollow taking over ichigo in bleach.... but unlike him, i dun have tat much determination..... i am losing myself...
other than that... i feel out of place in skool... sigh..... i am like feeling this so often now that i m in poly... i m not bias kay... tis is the fact i 'discovered'.... i dont like this feeling.... maybe i made the wrong choice, but there is no turning back now....
okay, i wan to admit... i am not cute, pretty nor smart or clever... i am dumb, stupid, irritating, hopeless, spoilt, lazy, rude, slow, bossy, horrible, fierce, scary, heartless, greedy, selfish, escapist, self-denial, i suck, complain queen, kaypoh, etc. i also admit tt my vocab is very limited.. all other negative stuff applies to me... yupp.... i know all these all along, people has said all these... but its painful to acknowledge all these... it hurts.. but no one knows... =( oh well, i shall not complain, and accept this unchangeable fact....
okay.. this is one of those emo post.... but i guess a smile be it fake or not, makes ppl ard happy too... so xi shen xiao wo wan cheng da wo..... but, it still hurts.... =( i feel like crying ;(
okay.. shall go slp now....
yamapi!!!<3
